7dp3dt...not hopeful...

I'm trying so hard not to make this blog pessimistic...ugh, it's so hard. I really don't think this IVF worked. My symptoms are all phantom, I'm convinced. I spent the early morning lying wide awake in bed, preparing myself for the bfn and the next step. I'm not sure if it will be FET b/c it needs to be ok'd by my insurance. Technically, I'm supposed to do 3 IUI cycles before my first real IVF. But the clinic doesn't know what they will do in this instance of my converted cycle. I think a frozen cycle costs around 5k so maybe they will approve it over the IUI. That would be good. I don't know which way to go, really. This is so all-consuming and I'm exhausted from the high's and low's. Not to mention, my entire family and IL's know about this cycle and are all waiting for the verdict coming this Friday. That is beginning to stress me out too. None of this is private anymore and that sucks. God, I just wish this could happen naturally like my first pregnancy did. When Dev and I were able to enjoy the happiness of this by ourselves for a nice while. Now my entire body is my whole family's business (and apparently many other people's business, as my sisters have educated extraneous people with the details of my lovely infertility life...internal scream and a deeeeeep breath...). I'm beginning to really wish I didn't tell anyone. My problem is I need help from my sister and mom to babysit Lilly. I had to tell them, and truthfully, I did want their support. But then, the next thing I knew, Devon had told his whole family. I totally understand that he needs an outlet too so it didn't really bother me...but now I just feel a little bit more exposed which brings on more pressure. I don't want to disappoint. ((Sigh)) One day at a time...