Back To Business

Oh another lovely week to start and another lovely cycle! I loved the vm from my nurse "I'm so sorry Jody, your test came back negative...". Yes, I was pretty sure that was the case since I've practically been attached to any and every bathroom for 2 days straight. Not fun. Other than that lovely letdown (that I was SO not surprised by), the rest of the weekend was fun. My sister-in-law is "The Bomb" and came to take care of Lilly so Dev and I could go out and celebrate our anniversary and my bday. We went to Boston and had lunch, then walked around in the shops and I ooogled at all the gorgeous bags, shoes, clothes for a while. We went to the movies and saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It was great. Dev and I haven't been to a movie since BL (Before Lilly). It felt so good to laugh, thank God for movies!! Then we had dinner at PF Changs and I had an outrageously divine key lime martini, with a graham cracker cookie rim!!! I was in heaven. Now back to business! My RE had me start my injectibles last night b/c I won't be around this coming weekend for an US/BT. Now since I start a day early I'll be going in on Friday morning instead. I'm not nearly as excited for this cycle as I was with the first...probably b/c they basically told me I had a "perfect" cycle...well that "perfect" cycle was a FAILURE. So how could I get excited for any of this moving forward? I'm trying to cope with the fact that none of this medical "help" will actually "help". I guess I'll just keep plugging away. I have decided to stop thinking ahead of myself and just live day to day. If it happens, it happens. Yes, I'm trying to be my own psychologist now...I've tried everything else, right? And with all my RE appts, I don't have anymore extra time to go see a real psychologist..ha..ha. I cannot wait for Newport this weekend. It will be a much needed break with friends!

Our 3rd Anniversary and American Idol

Gooooood morning! Yesterday was our 3rd anniversary. We are going out on Saturday night b/c my bday is tomorrow so we always celebrate them both on one day. But Devon brought home a gorgous bouquet of roses and daisies for me last night! What a beautiful surprise, he is such a love. He also brought a Godiva shopping bag full of boxes of truffles and different flavors of chocolate bars. I was in heaven!!!! The saving grace is that Lilly is a true chocolate connoisseur so I can't eat any of it unless I share with her...so that kept me down to one square last night. BL (before Lilly) I would have consumed at LEAST one entire bar. Especially since I can feel b*tchy AF coming on and that makes me want to eat not only the entire bag of Godiva but the vase of flowers too.

I'm truly in rare form this morning...so much so that I'm teetering on whether I should even post or not. I was lying in bed last night around 3am and my eyes were wide open. I couldn't sleep just feeling my body get ready for my next cycle. She should be here any second now, I can feel it. I just layed there trying to figure out what I am going to do next. I am going to Newport next weekend with my girlfriends. The timing to start another cycle is all off. Do I take the next cycle off and wait until the end of June or should I stress myself out trying to make this work while still making it to Newport? Not to mention try to figure out who is going to take care of Lilly while I go to ultrasounds and get bw done. I've been asking alot of my family lately and they are all so busy. I don't know...I guess it's a waiting game at this point and I'll discuss it with my nurse or RE when AF comes. Part of me wants to just wait until the end of the summer to start again. I just think I'm not good at dealing with IF at all. I haven't exercised regularly b/c I heard crazy things like if you do your ovaries can twist up from all of the meds that are blowing them up like balloons. So that is totally killing me b/c not only are my ovaries blowing up like balloons, but so is my ass...lovely. AND it's almost summer! Do I want a blown up ass? NO! I've decided that I'm going to exercise regardless, I can't take it anymore. I knew this post was going to end up in a vent of the century. Sorry! I'm sure after AF arrives my heightened sensitivity will decrease again and I'll be "normal". I can't wait until Saturday to go out and have a nice martini (or a thousand!).

AMERICAN IDOL COMMENTARY!!! SPOILER WARNING!!
Alright, so we are going crazy with the comments on AI, so I had to add them to my blog today.
I love AI and I am thrilled beyond thrilled that David Cook won b/c he is hot and very talented and I love him....did I mention I love him?? But there are many things to make fun of here..it is such an easy target after all.

The absolute WORST part of American Idol is the shameless marketing they do the entire frign' time. This is minus the famous singers plugging, that doesn't bug me all that much b/c I think the music industry is totally raping musicians these days. As much as I love Mike Myers, did we need a lame skit with him and the Davids? Also everytime Ryan Sea"foam" (ha..ha..) comes on to talk, dh and I rush to change the channel. He's always frign' plugging something!! Isn't there enough regular commercials, dummy? We can't fn' stand that cookie cutout. Howard Stern and Robin were blasting him a new one on Sirius the other day. I was dying laughing...they were making fun of how Ryan brags now that he's "sooooo busy now, I have to sleep with my Blackberry underneath my pillow at night...". Oh gaaaawwwwwd, as soon as AI is gone from tv...you will be too. I'm sorry, AF is on her way and I'm in a very PISSY mood..ha..ha.

UUUGH, and the the car commercials/lameass AI videos. We try to be quick with the remote when that embarrassing, Brady Bunch, corn syrup crap comes on. Even the AI contestents look like they are hoping beyond hope that nobody they know is actually watching them at that moment. The one I did watch b/c it caught me like a train wreck was the one they did with those gaudy bull fighing outfits on??? OMG, I trulllly felt for them having to put those on...it's like AI Execs said to them "If you don't put these lameass outfits on, you're history...".

LMAO! As much as I love AI, I could sit here and rant rant rant all day long about all the flaming things that happen on it. Brooke and Syesha drove me nuts towards the end b/c they never wore shoes...what was up with that? Don't real performers wear shoes onstage? Oh and I have to add a comment about some of the outfits last night. Yes, Jordyn's dress...holy sh*t girl, where was your stylist? She looked like a Christmas present. And then Carrie Under"wear"??? I hope she had some on b/c the camera was dying to get a shot...and it came pretty close with that "shirt" she was wearing. Alright, maybe I'm just jealous, she did awesome and I thought she had the best performance of the night, by far. Also, I love love love George Michael...and when he was announced I was jumping up and down...but when he came out I was like "That's not him!!!" And then I freakn' realized..."Damn! he's just getting really old...sniff' snifff'". I guess the "I Want Your Sex" days are realllly gone, gone, gone. : (((
Anyway, I'll miss you AI...can't wait until next season comes so we can start the rants all over again!!

Big Fat Ovary

So my right ovary is still huge and very sensitive. It's very firm to the touch and it's sadly giving me false hope that it's my uterus firming up b/c of pregnancy. I keep touching my lower abdomen to see how firm it is. I know it's really not a sign b/c when I was pregnant with my DD, my lower abdomen didn't firm up until I was at least a couple of months along. Uuuugh, this is getting to me. I'm also very afraid that I will have to take a break cycle next b/c of the enlarged ovary. It may have cysts...but what the heck do I really know about this? It's my first IUI and I'm just really guessing. Anyway, I'm not hopeful, still NO symptoms...whatever.

Yesterday was so much fun though. Shane looked incredibly intelligent and handsome in his cap and gown and sophisticated glasses. My sister, Cori was so proud and happy...and of course a bit teary. I was so touched when Shane gave her the rose. Lilly was so cute saying "See Shane...wanna see Shane..." over and over. She loooooves her big cousin. The ceremony was beautiful and loooong : ). It was gorgeous outside and the grounds of the campus were so colorful with vibrant flowers everywhere. Luckily Devon had Lilly outside playing b/c she lasted about 2 seconds inside the tent. My dad and sister were sitting next to me and we had fun distracting eachother. My dad and I were definately like two bored kids by the time the first hour ended...very juvenile, I know. We looked through all the pictures I had on my digital camera and made fun of some of the names of the (yes 325) graduates on the program...like "Thurston Howell the Thiiiiiird"...ha..ha. Again, juvenile, I know...but push me and sometimes I go there. The bbq after was insanely yummy and fun! There was tons of bottles of champagne and I was dying beyond dying for a glass. I abstained b/c my dh was watching and he's like the ttc police! I did have a sip of my sister's though..and he was actually ok with it.

We are SO proud of you Shane-OOO!!!

Go out and grab life by the cajones!!! (as they say!)

WE LOVE YOU !!!!!

Yesterday wa so much fun and a nice distraction. Now it's Monday and back to tttc addiction and trying to get our house ready to be put on this disasterous market! Fun Fun Fun!!! : ))))

My Nephew Shane

Just woke up to my dd sleeping soundly next to me. She snores like a cannon. I love it. We have our nephew, Shane's graduation today. He's graduating highschool from St. Johns Prep and I feel OLD!...ha..ha..BUT, I am SO proud of him. He's had obstacles to overcome with an absent biological father since he was a toddler. But his stepfather is fantastic and his mom (my sis) is one of the coolest (but strict) moms you can find on this planet. Together, they raised a fine man, he'll be a great contributor to our society, I'm sure. He's a love, he always has been. Even though he turned into, oh no, the dreaded teenager, he still welcomes his aunty with open arms and a big hello hug and kiss. He's the oldest of all my parents grandchildren. I can't wait to go to his graduation and cheer so loud when he receives his diploma. He's off to Suffolk University next year and he'll be studying Japanese. He plans to go live in Japan during his studies and wants to get into the business world. We all think it won't be long after graduation that he gets married to Brittany. She is wonderful and the two of them are so in love. But Shane promises his mother it won't happen while they are in college. We'll see what happens, I just want both of them to be happy. They are two very mature, level-headed and happy kids.

DH is going to meet me at the graduation. He's been off golfing yesterday and having a grand old time with his friends down on the Cape. he called and left me a vm but I was busy entrenched in the movie "Juno" (of which I balled helplessly for the second time in one day!). So, it's the perfect movie for when dh is away...he's not into the chic flicks and I needed some alone cry time, I guess. It's therapy in a way.

So, we'll see how hungover he is at the graduation...ha..ha. I'll make him chase DD all over the place. I'm psyched b/c my sister and her husband are having a huge catered bbq shindig on the beach after the graduation. The weather is iffy, but it should be a blast. We never need sun in our family to have a good time!

Just Not Feelin' It

My first IUI...well who knows. Will it work or won't it? I'm new at these "invasive" fertility methods right now. All I can tell you is I'm just not feelin' it. I had 6 mature follies at the big day..or should I say days. My chances should be great but who the hell knows. This is my 17th cycle of trying to get pregnant so I never get my hopes up. I think maaaaaybe I'd get my hopes up if I instantly began projectile vomiting for no apparent reason. No sore boobies, no nausea...and I know it's still early, I'm only 6dpiui...but but but. I just want this to be THE cycle, I just want this to work now. I'm not getting any younger. Hello Ovaries!! Don't fail me yet!!! Devon is off on a golf day and is staying overnight with his friends so I'm here with my little love of my life, Lilly.

Lilly and I had a good day other than the crying episode I had this morning. I had bought this adorable little book called "I'm the Big Sister", probably about 14 or 15 months ago...thinking very soon I would get to give it to Lilly. Well NOT! I completely forgot I even had this book. I had hid it in my closet. Well Lil' is very curious and she was going through all my stuff in the big closet and she comes into the bathroom wielding her new found book. "Read book, mommy!". My first thought was to put it back but then I was like, why? Why? When it may sit underneath my t-shirts on a shelf for the next eternity? So I sat down on the toilet coverseat, put Lil' on my lap and opened the first page. "Mommy and daddy brought something new home, can you guess what it is?". I think I may have got through the next page when I just instantly felt my throat close up and I couldn't breathe. I managed to make it through the book although it took me about 15 minutes with all the pauses to catch my breath. It was a really good thing that I was in the bathroom b/c I needed alot of toilet paper to wipe my eyes and snotty nose. I read it twice b/c Lilly loves books more than pizza and she always wants me to read her books twice at the very least. More toilet paper and I might have to make a run to BJ's tomorrow.