Just Not Feelin' It

My first IUI...well who knows. Will it work or won't it? I'm new at these "invasive" fertility methods right now. All I can tell you is I'm just not feelin' it. I had 6 mature follies at the big day..or should I say days. My chances should be great but who the hell knows. This is my 17th cycle of trying to get pregnant so I never get my hopes up. I think maaaaaybe I'd get my hopes up if I instantly began projectile vomiting for no apparent reason. No sore boobies, no nausea...and I know it's still early, I'm only 6dpiui...but but but. I just want this to be THE cycle, I just want this to work now. I'm not getting any younger. Hello Ovaries!! Don't fail me yet!!! Devon is off on a golf day and is staying overnight with his friends so I'm here with my little love of my life, Lilly.

Lilly and I had a good day other than the crying episode I had this morning. I had bought this adorable little book called "I'm the Big Sister", probably about 14 or 15 months ago...thinking very soon I would get to give it to Lilly. Well NOT! I completely forgot I even had this book. I had hid it in my closet. Well Lil' is very curious and she was going through all my stuff in the big closet and she comes into the bathroom wielding her new found book. "Read book, mommy!". My first thought was to put it back but then I was like, why? Why? When it may sit underneath my t-shirts on a shelf for the next eternity? So I sat down on the toilet coverseat, put Lil' on my lap and opened the first page. "Mommy and daddy brought something new home, can you guess what it is?". I think I may have got through the next page when I just instantly felt my throat close up and I couldn't breathe. I managed to make it through the book although it took me about 15 minutes with all the pauses to catch my breath. It was a really good thing that I was in the bathroom b/c I needed alot of toilet paper to wipe my eyes and snotty nose. I read it twice b/c Lilly loves books more than pizza and she always wants me to read her books twice at the very least. More toilet paper and I might have to make a run to BJ's tomorrow.